As some of you may know, I struggle with self-esteem, stress, and creating happiness for myself. It’s an ongoing process, and I am trying to get better. I am getting better.
On Tuesday night, after feeling pretty lonely and a bit sad, I decided to get out of my bed (it was only about 7:45 at this point) and go to Cuppies and Joe with my Bible, iPod, journal, and book of poems by WS Merwin.
I started to listen to “Don’t Wait for Me” by Josh Garrels (which is my current favorite song. I’ll share more of that shortly) and took a pen to paper and began to write without any limits or hesitations. Without a page limit or word limit. Without worrying about using an expansive vocabulary or trying to impress professors. I just wrote down what was on my heart and mind and it felt so good. Such a release.
I wrote a bit on how to strengthen my relationships with others and how to better myself, so I made a Revised Resolution list. Sort of like New Year’s resolutions, but more for my life than for a specific holiday. Here they are:
– Exercise 3x weekly (at least).
– Journal often
-Blog 4+ times weekly
-Be kind to myself (this is a big one)
-Spend quality time with Ethan, away from distractions.
– Spend a lot less time on the computer doing mindless things
– Have a sit down dinner with Dad 2x weekly (if our schedules allow)
– Pray daily
– Give up negativity
– Be present with others and try to make new friends
– Learn about typography and calligraphy
– Be proud of who I am
– If and when I have something on my mind, I’ll speak up.
I think and hope these things will help me develop a healthy and happy lifestyle. I think they will.
As I was writing, I thought about all the stress I feel right now, so I looked up some Bible verses that deal with stress and I found some pretty great ones:
Philippians 4: 6-7
“Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
My dad would often (and still does) recite the last part of that to me before I would go to bed. It’s very comforting.
James 1: 2-4 talks about counting every trial or obstacle as joy. I’m really thinking about getting a tattoo that says “Count it all Joy!” It’s a hard thing to fathom, but I think counting everything as joy is a wonderful outlook on a seemingly broken world.
This post is pretty long, and I congratulate you if you’ve read this far.
Now, I leave you with this beautiful song by Josh Garrels (who can’t do any wrong, musically speaking).
I had another OU senior shoot last night. I should have those edited soon and up on the blog. Be looking out for them :)