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Dealing with Low Self Esteem and Body Image

Let’s just jump right into this, okay?
For about 11 years, I’ve been dealing with low self esteem and body image issues.  It started in junior high.  It still goes on now.

There are days where I hate how I look or when I hate how clothes fit on my body.  Yesterday, I went to Target with my mom and tried on a pair of pants that were a size up than what I normally wear and they looked terrible to me.  I started getting really upset.  She kept telling me “Rachel…you’re beautiful.”  I know she’s my mom, but I also know she wouldn’t lie to me.  She even threatened to ask a customer what they thought of me…I told her not to.

I’ve never been overweight, but recently (within the past 6 months or so), I have gained a bit of extra weight.  I’m still in the “normal” weight category for my height, but I don’t feel good; I don’t like how I look, and that’s my personal issue.

I’m a firm believer that people of all ages and sizes and from different backgrounds and cultures are beautiful.  I will always think that.

I want to make a lifestyle change.
Not only to drop some weight, but to tone up, get strong, get into shape, and become healthy.

I told my fiance, Ethan (who continues to tell me I’m beautiful every single day…and I know he means it), to hide the scale in the house and get it out when I’m ready.
I started on 100 days of healthy eating and exercising regularly, and I’m determined to do this.
I’m in bad shape physically.  I used to be able to run several miles, no problem, in high school or play an entire basketball game without many issues.  Then college hit…haha.  I developed asthma, which makes it a little more difficult on thee ole wind pipes to run outside…but I’ll still do it.

Now, it takes a lot for me to run 1/4 of a mile, but I want to get to a point where I feel good running and where I can do it for (pretty) long distances.

 

My goal during this 100 days is to work up my stamina, to lose weight, to tone up, and to stop the cravings of junk food that I’ve had all my life.  I’m doing pretty well so far, if I may say so.

A few days ago, I walked and jogged 4 miles with some stretching.
Yesterday (I was/still am really sore from the 4 miles…haha) I walked a mile in the morning.
Today, I plan to do day 2 of C25K (which is a great app, and I recommend it) and do a bit of yoga tonight.

I’ve also been using My Fitness Pal app.  It counts your calories consumed and burned each day.

I want to stress this: I do not condone starving yourself.  You need a certain amount of calories each day to survive.  You need nutrients.  Starving yourself to lose weight, or burning every single calorie you consume is harmful to your health.  It may make you drop a few pounds quickly, but they won’t stay off for long.

 

 

I’m on day 5 of 100.  I haven’t had a craving for a reeses or ice cream…though I know those will come.  And when they do, I won’t deprive myself, but I’ll have a treat in moderation.

I want this lifestyle change to work and for it to become a habit.  I want to want to exercise.  I want to want to eat really well.  I want to be the best possible version of myself, not only for me, but for Ethan, for my family, for my friends, and for my future own little family.  I’m 21 years old and I want to be healthy.

I need some pick-me-ups from time to time, I will tell you the truth.  I don’t want to search for compliments or words of admiration, though I have before, and I probably will again.

I want to be healthy and have high self esteem and a good body image.  I’m getting there, and I won’t stop.

I hope anyone dealing with low self esteem or body image issues can find someone to talk to that you trust.  If you want to talk to me, I’d love to hear what you have to say.
I hope anyone working to get healthy does it the right way–with eating well and with exercise.

Thanks for reading.  Sometimes it’s hard to come out in the open and say something I’ve been struggling with for SO long.  Every day is a new day, and we have the power to make the most of it.  Our happiness is determined by ourselves.

With love,
Rachel

 

  • 1.8.13 - 1:12 pm

    Sydney Greenwood - …Your comment thing keeps freaking out on me, so sorry if there are rogue comments all over your blog. Anyway, I just want to say that I admire you so much. You are one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, & I think one of the things that makes you so beautiful is that you are not content with the things that are around you. You want to better yourself & your surroundings. Just know, though, that in your own eyes, you will never be “good enough.” & while it is okay to always try for better, remember that what really matters is that you are doing your best, & that you are loved by those who matter most to you. *end speech* *steps off soap box*ReplyCancel