This post is going to be personal. I get more readers that way…creepers…
Just kidding. If someone spilled their deep thoughts and words, I’d cozy up to the computer screen too.
I’m writing on jealousy, one of the things I struggle with the most. I feel as though it’s kind of time to come clean and hopefully rid myself on the whole issue.
Here we go.
One of the areas where I fall hostage to the jealousy monster is engagement.
I want to get married so so badly. And I will. I know that.
But it tests my envy AND patience to see couples who have been together for a shorter amount of time than Ethan and I have get engaged. I am envious of them. I haven’t been celebrating a lot of my friends recent engagements like I should have. I’ve, instead, been bitter that is wasn’t me who got proposed to. I’ve been “liking” the new relationship status on facebook, but will throw a pity party in my head instead of really being happy for them.
And that’s just obnoxious and uncalled for.
I need to suck it up, frankly.
So, to any friends or acquaintances who have recently gotten engaged, I really am happy for you.
And whenever Ethan pops the question, I’ll be really, insanely (and I stress insanely) happy.
Another way I get envy is when a girl who I think is better than me in some area has any sort of contact with Ethan. It’s bad. I don’t want to say I’m overbearing, but it has caused some arguments in the past. I’m trying to get better, because I know that Ethan would never purposefully hurt me.
Sometimes A lot of the time, I’ll compare myself to another girl and think “Oh, she’s prettier/thinner/smarter/more creative/funnier than me” and that is not what I should be doing.
God created me. And He doesn’t make junk.
My parents always tell me not to compare myself to others. And I listen to them. But continue doing it.
I also often compare myself to other photographers in many ways. I’ll look at their websites/equipment/photos/clients/calendar and think “Why don’t I have that?” or “Why can’t I do that?”
I shouldn’t compare myself to photographers or artists who 1) are years older than me and who have years more experience or 2) are not in school anymore and are able to devote all their attention to photography.
Right now, it’s kind of unrealistic for me to be a full time photographer because I’m still a student. I understand there are exceptions with everything, but in order for me to do photography full time/as my job, I still have a lot to learn and do. And I’m very excited and very capable to do it, but it will take more than the one year I’ve partially focused on it. I understand that.
I also get jealous when someone has something I want (duh…who doesn’t, really?).
And then I look deep into my life and realize that I am beyond blessed. I have all that I need and way more than enough. I have friends and family who support me in all ways and a boyfriend who does the same. I also have a God who provides for me and loves me. I don’t need more stuff. I don’t really want more stuff (unless it’d be unlimited flights to anywhere in the world for me and as many passengers as I’d want…).
I am blessed. So blessed. There is no reason to be jealous.
My goal is to show love to all who surround me.
And love does not envy.
PS: How does everyone like my new brand/name/design?
I’m fond of it. ;)